© Copyright 2005 Bill Nesbitt

July 19, 2005 — I guess I won't write much more about the whole Colorado experience. Though it was an awesome time to experience God's grandeur and to witness His grace in action, my life wasn't changed as a result of these experiences. Events are not life-changing for me. Events can lead to decisions to change some aspect of my life, but these decisions must be carried out on a day-to-day basis. If I've decided to stop some behavior and replace it with something better — why had I engaged in that behavior in the first place? Because it was natural, easy, pleasurable, helped me deal with/escape from life's challenges. These habits and behaviors aren't changed in one day as the result of one event, at least not for me. That has been my experience over the past thirty years of trying to overcome sin and live for Him.

So what has changed me lately, to the extent that I have been changed? In short, it has been looking for the Presence of God every day, as often as I can think of Him. As for the old habits and behaviors, I've stopped "giving" them to Him. When I considered it more closely, after years of failing with "Lord I give that to You," I reached the conclusion that the only way I could give them to Him was if I owned them in the first place. I don't own them — they own me, and they're not about to give me to God. So instead, I give myself to God and ask Him to stand between me and the old ways.

Where do I look for His presence? Here's what I've got so far:

• In His Word — Whenever I open up the Bible ( I'm adamant that reading His Word should be the anchor of my daily reading ritual) I ask God to leap off the pages and be real to me. Reading the Scripture, more than anything else, makes God REALLY REAL to me. Meditating on His Word opens the door to His Presence.

• In a group of believers — My definition of "church" has become a bit more fluid lately, i.e., in the last couple of years. If I'm in a group of people — small or large — that is communicating, praying, helping, serving, that is church to me. Right now, the closest person I have to a pastor is my small group leader. The "church" I've gone to all these years (and helped to found) currently finds itself without pastoral leadership. I don't know where that will go, but in the meantime, I've searched for (and found) His Presence in other groups.

• In silence — If I turn off the TV, the car radio, the noise, even sit to write these lines in a quiet room, there He suddenly is. Hint: The quiet times aren't for beating myself up, or talking to myself about my failures, or making plans about how I'm going to do better today. They are for simply enjoying His Presence and communing with Him. He is a living, forgiving, patient God, Who simply wants to spend time with me. Even if I don't consider myself worth the time, He does.

• In noise — Actually, as I sit to write these words, the phone is ringing, and there's an old episode of "I Dream of Jeannie" playing in the next room, along with a Gameboy with Zelda going on it. My choices are either to keep God in front of me during these times, or to abandon Him and let the noise control (or at least distract) me. During the quiet times, any sudden or unforeseen noise tends to irritate me — the phone rings, an e-mail comes up, bad thoughts come rushing in. Madame Guyon says to actually use the distractions as a springboard back to God. So my goal is to stop getting all frustrated over distractions (this frustration actually takes me further away from God) and to keep on thanking God and enjoying His Presence during the quiet and the loud times.

• In the faces of those around me — This one is the hardest for me, being the antisocial critter that I am. It will probably take me years to develop the habit of keeping God between me and other people. The hardest are the family members, since flesh and blood is, well, so fleshy. I never was one to wear God on my shirtsleeve at work. I was at work for work and nothing else. Whereas this kept me away from the more negative aspects — gossip, backbiting, temptations — it also kept me from being a friend to those around me.

O God — Make me an instrument of Your Presence to those around me, as I learn to daily, moment-by-moment, surrender to You and enjoy the many facets of Your Presence in my life. Amen

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