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©
Copyright 2005 Bill Nesbitt
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When I was in high
school, I was the one in our church youth group who played guitar and
knew the chords to the worship songs (back then we called them "Scripture
songs"), so I was by default the "worship leader" of the
group. It was a fantastic group of kids who, twice a week, would pour
their hearts out to God in prayer and worship. That was a time of intense
spiritual growth for me, and even though the group only lasted a couple
of years before going its separate ways, the worship experience stayed
with me.
I found myself in the middle of a similar experience in college, where
again I was the one with the guitar who knew the songs and chords. Again,
it was an incredible group of young people who knew how to worship, how
to pray and how to serve one another under the leadership of an great
pastor. I felt it a privilege to be surrounded by such heartfelt worship
of God.
Now here I find myself, years later, still seeking God's will and path,
yet still struggling with some of the same shortfalls and failings I struggled
with then. Yet, something from those worship experiences of long ago has
stayed with me and continues to work in me to this day. I play a different
guitar, sing different songs and have different day-to-day dealings with
different people, but God hasn't changed, and neither have the basics
of worshiping Him.
One other thing that hasn't changed is my desire to go deeper with God
in my own worship, both individually and as part of a body of believers.
Something was missing then, something I'm still looking for to this day.
The bulk of my experience as a "worship leader" might have been
better described as "songleader." That role manifested itself
in different ways over the years, but one thing remained constant. I played
the guitar and knew the songs. The word from the leader/pastor was, "Bill,
why don't you bring your guitar and lead us in some songs?" I would
do this, and sometimes God used me in ways that translated into genuine
worship, sometimes in spite of the fact that all I was doing was trying
to remember words and chords and not make a fool of myself. Maybe if I
had considered myself a worship leader instead of just a songleader —
maybe if I had gone beyond the songs, chords and music and thought about
leading people deeper into God Himself — maybe worship for me and
for them would have gone deeper.
By the way, I have never been a paid "Worship Pastor" on a church
staff for more than a couple of months, and that was for very little money
till that church could find a keyboardist. My work has been mostly voluntary,
so I have little or no experience in dealing with the interior political
wranglings that occur in so many churches where people are trying to preserve
their jobs and/or enhance their careers. I realize also that there is
a huge gap sometimes between theory and practice, but I opine anyway.
It's my space, I can do what I want.
Worship goes far beyond music, and being a worship leader goes far beyond
knowing how to play an instrument and sing songs. I think I've always
known that truth, but I've decided to clarify it in my own mind by writing
it here. This is my humble opinion, based on what I've seen and heard
over the thirty years that I've been involved musically in a local church
(again, in an unpaid, semi-regular to regular capacity, more as a musician
than a leader). It is a work in progress and is by no means set in stone.
Also, the reason I call these pages "Meditations" is that they
follow no predetermined order or form. I just write as things enter my
mind. Maybe the reader will find something helpful among the ramblings.
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